Notes from a Psychologist on how to have conversations about the Voice (and why it’s so important).

I am voting Yes.

But this is not about trying to convince you how to vote. This is a post for people who want Yes to win.

I know right now things may feel beyond your control and at times of uncertainty, our brains prefer avoidance to action.

But here’s a fact to tell your brain: If you (and everyone who currently plans to vote Yes) persuade 3 undecided or unaware people to join you in supporting the Voice, we will achieve a resounding Yes (Yes 23).

That could take just 3 conversations. I know these conversations may bring on stress and anxiety. But these emotions are not an indicator that you are doing the wrong thing, they are a normal part of doing something meaningful.

If you are Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, I want to acknowledge the significant burden that you may be experiencing right now and may not have the capacity to have these conversations. You should take the space you need to care for your well-being, in whatever way feels right for you (also know support is available at 13YARN).

However, if you are an ally, now is the time to turn our allyship into action. We do not share the cultural load that has been put onto the First Nations community right now, but we can help ease it.

Here are some tips that helped me have conversations with friends and family, I hope they help.

Prepare.

While you can’t control the conversation, you can control how you prepare. Consider what the best time and place is to have the conversation. Aim to get in the right mindset by practising what you want to share, consider what you can do to keep yourself grounded (e.g., deep breathing) and ensure you don’t walk in with pre-conceived ideas of what the other person thinks.

Ensure you give everyone the same space by asking permission before bringing up the topic or checking in ahead of time with a message like “Hi Dad, I’m wondering if I could chat to you about why I am voting Yes to The Voice.”

Get personal.

People are more likely to be persuaded by people they like, even more so than people with authority or experts. This is why conversations with friends and family are so important, as you are the person most likely to persuade. Emotional connection trumps intellectual debate every time, so as much as possible, when you feel safe to, speak from the heart.

Find the personal connection. Focus on your story, rather than the stats. Share why this is important to you, your family or future generations.

Share Your Perspective.

Aim to share information and your perspective, rather than telling someone why they are wrong. Try to keep to the issue (e.g., why having an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander advisory body for the government is important). The brain has a bias to be persuaded by consensus, so ensure you support your ideas with evidence e.g., that more than 80% of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people support the Voice (link in bio for more examples).

When people get frightened, they skew conservative and focus on self-protection, and when they feel compassion and connection to a common cause, they skew progressive. Remember this is not about changing people, this is about exposing them to different information in a respectful way.

Listen.

Try to avoid questions that make personal judgments (e.g., “Why would you think that?”). This may trigger people’s fear response, leading them to become defensive and closed off to new ideas. The alternative is open-ended questions, which are less threatening and help understand (rather than assume) another person’s perspective e.g.,

Have you heard much about the Voice to Parliament? What do you think about it?

That’s interesting, where did you learn this?

What part of you is leaning towards voting Yes?

Focus on what you’re hearing, not what you want to say. Remember listening to someone doesn’t mean you agree with them, it is the first step to knowing how to change their mind.

Knowing when to tap out.

If people feel judged, they may become overwhelmed and act in hurtful ways.

Keeping the conversations respectful doesn’t mean you have to ignore racist, incorrect or harmful language. Do call them out, and let them know that’s not ok. But keep in mind that people will also be more likely to be persuaded if that calling out is balanced with an invitation to connect on a shared idea or common belief.

It’s important to know that it’s OK to end a conversation if you don’t feel safe or it’s no longer helpful. After these conversations focus on self-care and reach out to trusted supports to debrief.

Show Scarcity.

When people feel a sense of scarcity and time running out they are more inclined to be persuaded. Help people understand this may be the only chance, to alter the Constitution to recognise the First Peoples of Australia by establishing an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Voice.

As expressed by Leading Aboriginal Activist and writer, Professor Marcia Langton:

“I urge Australians who are as yet to make up their minds: don’t imagine there’s another opportunity around the corner. Don’t think your ‘ No’ does in a different pole marked ‘next time’. In the referendum, there are only two options: A ‘Yes’ vote that delivers recognition through a voice and all the hope and healing it represents..or a ‘No’ vote which binds us all closely - all of us - to a broken status quo.”

From now until October 14, I know there will be many opportunities where we can choose to talk about The Voice, or not. To check in with how your family are voting, or avoid the topic. To speak about why we are voting yes, or choose to stay quiet.

And I know, at each of these points, our brains will focus on avoiding short-term distress rather than the meaningful change that is possible.

At these times I will try to remember that my brain isn’t always an ally for change, but I can always choose how I act. Because when we do nothing, nothing changes.

You are not alone. Reach out for support often and early.

13YARN (13 92 76). Talk with an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Supporter. 24/7.

Beyond Blue. Mental Health Support. 1300 22 4636.

Lifeline. Crisis Support. 13 11 14.

Rainbow Door. LGBTIQA+ Support. 1800 729 367.

Further References (let me know if there is more I should add!)

Yes 23 - For social media resources, information about volunteering, and other information from the Yes campaign.

The Voice - Official information about the referendum from the Australian Government.

Tips on managing stress and anxiety ahead of Indigenous Voice to Parliament referendum - ABC Article